December 16, 2025
I’m at an odd inflection point at the present moment. Mostly from the professional perspective, but a little from the personal perspective as well.
I’m 29 years old and painfully aware that I’ll die in another 46 years based on the average life expectancy for males in the United States. 46 years? That’s hardly anything at all.
I’ve been dissatisfied with my job for a long while but the compensation has been enough to keep me gainfully employed. However, I’ve spent the last year exerting effort on an exit strategy. Over the last 12ish months, there was a host of “close but not quite” ideas. I inherently try to optimistic even when the plan isn’t totally justified. The justification in those moments is the learning experience. A large set of experiences or information on things that don’t make sense should prove useful in the future, but frustrating nonetheless.
The challenge with going off on your own or something like that is there is virtually no feedback loop. I have this fear that since there I wouldn’t be receiving quick feedback on whether something is working or otherwise, it would be too late to correct. Creating a devastating situation.
It feels like the walls are closing in, metaphorically. I didn’t go a great job of balancing things and the scale is about to tip. We’ll see what gives.
From a personal perspective, my wife and I are close to the time where we both want to start trying for children. She’s professionally very stable but I’m not. That isn’t a great feeling.
I’ve been writing a book over the last few months. A large part of me just wants to quit work and finish. Then see what happens. It feels like it would take an incredible amount of luck for that to pan out.
I don’t fucking know. There isn’t really a silver lining here. I just needed to write this out.
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